I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
