Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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