Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
