Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
