I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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