Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish you could order shots online.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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