Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
