So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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