Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
