Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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