Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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