You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
