Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
