there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
