It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
