the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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