My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
