Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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