so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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