my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
