dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
