Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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