if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
