Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
