Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
