yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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