dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
