TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
