The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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