So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
