if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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