too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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