didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
