I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
