used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
