I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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