HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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