You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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