I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
