oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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