i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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