My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
