The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
