im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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