i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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