I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
