I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
