11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
