Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
