so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who died my cat blue again?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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