Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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