he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize