It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
