She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
