I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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