Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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