you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
