i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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