Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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