we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
