So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
