Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
