what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How external is "for external use only"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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