420 ftw
grandma shit on top of the toilet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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