so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
