you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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