If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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