I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
