I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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