I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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